we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
