You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
