omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
