you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
