Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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