You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I supernannyed him into submission
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
