So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
