i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
