Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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