You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
