guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
