i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize