I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
3pm strippers are depressing
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
