Will you blow on my dice?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
