I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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