if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
