If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize