another moral hangover. fuck.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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