god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
