Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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