your parents love me but you hate me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
