I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
everyone is single if you try hard enough
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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