She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
FUCK WHALES
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
