you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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