3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
