My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
