I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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