just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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