there's paper in my vomit.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
