best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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