I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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