i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
