That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize