Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
