Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
