there was a trapeze. enough said
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
