Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
