are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
