Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
