The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
