If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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