You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize