Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
