apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
