Umm I'm too high to move.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Randomize
