remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
