There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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