please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
All I want is dick and wine.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize