He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize