When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
