I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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