I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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