We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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