Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
