im holly from the hills drunk
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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