We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize