I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
