You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
