You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
