I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
