I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
