My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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