I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize