if you like me you must not know who I am
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
