Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize