haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
