I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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