I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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