So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
