WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
