Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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