It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
