god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
