last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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