You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
