Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
