it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
