Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
