I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
