Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
