I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
