A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
