the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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