I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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