she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
