I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
