The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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