saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
