He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize