lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
false alarm. still invincible.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
