member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
