i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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