Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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