then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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