spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
