he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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