After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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