I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
