and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize